Coming Spring 2010 – updated and expanded
1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Asperger’s
By Ellen Notbohm and Veronica Zysk
We’re excited about the second edition of our award-winning bestseller! Not only is it packed with hundreds of new ideas, but we’ve delved deeper into some of the critical issues we face as parents and teachers of children with autism. You’ll find longer discussions on developing social awareness and social thinking, how to encourage speech and facilitate conversation, teaching independence at every age, what we miss in “misbehavior” and how to stop enabling it, and much more.
Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 3: Behavior
This argument is over. Dealing with an argumentative child is surely one of your greatest challenges. While we would never suggest tuning out or ending a conversation in which your child is attempting to communicate a legitimate need, there will come times when you need to put an end to an argument, demands or resistance. Developing an arsenal of one-liners can be useful. One-liners should always be short as possible and delivered respectfully and without sarcasm, name-calling or anger (as you would want from him). Some suggestions we gathered from parents:
- Thank you for telling me how you feel.
- I’m sorry you feel that way.
- I won’t change my mind.
- This discussion is over.
- I’m changing the subject now. (Then do, cheerfully.)
Humor can often interrupt anger and break tension. Sense of humor is a very individual thing (what’s hilarious to one child may feel humiliating to another) so finding the humorous one-liners that work with your child may take some experimentation. But it’s worth a try. Or, put a non-verbal end to the discussion with a small dinner gong, whistle, kazoo or desk bell.
Take a different approach: if your child is adept at arguing from a factual, logical perspective, use emotion-based responses that connect his actions to your feelings and reactions to stop his arguing. “I asked you to pick up your room and you argued with me instead of doing it. That argument took time and now it’s bedtime.” Or simply, “Arguing is exhausting for me. When you argue the answer will always be ‘no.’”
I hear ya – and this argument is over. Here’s a strategy from the baseball field that transfers beautifully to home. Ellen’s son Connor is an umpire, a venue in which coaches often elevate argumentativeness to a science. Connor circumvents lengthy disputes by establishing a 20-second rule at the pre-game meeting. Connor explains:
“If you have a legitimate concern, I will listen for as long as it takes to resolve it. But if you merely disagree with my decision and want to vent, you get 20 seconds. After 20 seconds, I will say ‘I hear you, Coach’ and I will expect you to return to the dugout.”
Ellen wishes she had known this technique all those years before Connor became an umpire!
