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Issue No. 26, April 2010 Do not ask how smart is my child,
Hello from Soapstone!
February marked my third stay at Soapstone writer’s retreat on the Oregon coast, this time returning with my inimitable writing pal Brittney Corrigan McElroy, whom I first met there while finishing The Autism Trail Guide: Postcards from the Road Less Traveled. Brittney, poet and mother of a six-year-old on the spectrum, writes Excerpt from Guilt Poem #1: Conflict You cannot believe you had the day Read the full text of Conflict and other poems about autism, family, loss and parenting at Brittney's Website.
“Genuine, commonsense advice that all parents and educators can quickly and easily use!”
Here’s one of my favorite short excerpts, from Chapter 5, Thinking Social, Being Social A Word about “Normal” Now there’s a word we’d like to see omitted from your social vocabulary entirely – in not just what you say, but how you think about your child and his autism or Asperger’s. For many parents, emphasis on this two-syllable trip-off-the-tongue utterance can become a handicap of immeasurable dimension. Learning to think social and be social in whatever degree your child is able challenges him enough without our heaping on the additional burden of meeting the subjective measure of “normal.” Here’s another true story with a happy ending from a middle school in Some Place, USA. “I just want him to have a lot of friends like I did,” Mom frets to the speech language pathologist. “To have fun doing all the normal kid things and teen things that we all did together.” “When your son came to me last year,” the SLP tells Mom, “his social thinking skills were pretty nonexistent. He didn’t understand why he should say hi to people in the halls, he didn’t know how to ask a question to further a conversation, or how to engage with a peer during the lunch hour. Now he’s working on those things. That’s a huge amount of progress.” “But he’s only made two friends.” “I would rephrase that: he’s made two friends! One shares his interest in model trains and one shares his interest in running. He knows how you feel, though. So I am going to share with you what he told me the other day. He said, ‘I don’t want a lot of friends. I can’t handle a lot of friends. More than one at a time stresses me out. I can talk to these two friends about things I’m interested in. They are great for me.’ “Walk through this or any other school,” the SLP continues. “You’ll see a huge range of ‘normal’ middle school behavior. You’ll see nerdy normal, sporty normal, musical normal, artsy normal, techie normal. Kids tend to gravitate to groups that make them feel safe. For now, your son has found his group. You and I walk a fine line: honoring his choices while continuing to teach him the skills he needs to feel comfortable expanding his boundaries.” Your child has many social selves. To embrace all of them, and therefore him as a whole child, is to redefine how we view normal – one person at a time. Read excerpt, Your Friend the Dentist My Facebook page has been the site of some fascinating discussions in this past month. Fan me and add your voice to these important topics. Is autism life-threatening? It’s the most thought-provoking question I’ve ever been asked. If your initial reaction is “no,” follow the conversation through thoughts about seizures, stranger danger, bolting, insensitivity to pain and more. March 17. What’s the worst question you’ve ever been asked about your child? In this discussion, we conclude that there are no bad questions if autism awareness can be advanced – but let’s be honest, some questions hurt more than others. How do you respond? March 16. Diagnosing autism: how many professionals does it take to screw in the light bulb? How was your child diagnosed and by whom? Were you satisfied with the diagnosis? Are you still satisfied? Did the diagnosis shift or change over time? What would you like to see done differently in the diagnostic process? March 31. The Effect of Building Design on Children with Autistic Spectrum Disorders is the graduation project of Sarah at Caledonian College of Engineering in Oman. Do you have suggestions for autism-friendly building design? Terrific subject and aren't we so glad someone is finally asking? I'll start: no fluorescent lighting! April 5. This week: What happens in a family when one parent will not accept that their child has autism? Call for suggestions: “My child is an escape artist.”
Meet me in Norfolk After taking a break last year to focus on book projects, I’m getting around again (although still ensconced in book projects). This month, I'll be speaking at the Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters in Norfolk, Virginia, one session for parents and one for professionals. It's free and you can register online. Y’all come! Listen in on three recent interviews Stan Goldberg’s Autism Briefing Room: Checking in With Ellen “Raising a child with autism is a constant learning and teaching process. Not only do the parents of a child with autism have to learn from their child, they also have to teach the community how to coexist with their child. Ellen Notbohm has been learning, teaching, and sharing with the autism community since her now 17-year old was identified at age three. Ellen has appeared on the Autism Briefing Room over the past three years and I have enjoyed the visits. In this show Ellen tells us about her new book, and gives us a peak of what it was in like the olden days of autism treatment 13 years ago as compared to now.” It’s Your Health with Lisa Davis, on Boston’s WUML 91.5 In an interview first aired April 6, Lisa reviews Ellen and Veronica’s 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Asperger’s, exploring considerations in choosing sensory activities, “the behavior equation,” what it means to be without a social navigation system, and the importance of creating productive school partnerships. [At press time, the site was experiencing difficulties but should be repaired soon.] Holistic Wellness Podcast with Michael Casals “Holistic Wellness Podcast is thrilled to welcome award winning author & columnist Ellen Notbohm to the show. In consideration of Autism Awareness Month, Ellen stops by the show to chat with us about her book Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew. Tune in and listen to Ellen share insights acquired through her own personal experiences and growth as the mother of the child with autism. If you have a child with autism or if you're someone who is looking to obtain some great info about autism, you don't wanna miss this show.” Show available beginning April 14.Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew Ten Things Your Student with Autism Wishes You Knew NEW! 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Asperger’s, 2nd edition The Autism Trail Guide: Postcards from the Road Less Traveled Newsletter archive: if you are new to our newsletter community, please visit the newsletter archive on my website and browse some popular past features at my newsletter archive. If you’ve read my books and feel inclined to share your thoughts with others, please consider posting a review on my book pages at www.amazon.com. It’s easy to do and you don’t have to post your real name. Please forward this newsletter to anyone you feel might share an interest in our kids with autism. New subscribers can sign up at here.
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Fan me! Keep up with my latest on Facebook Visit me at ellennotbohm.com Invite me to visit you. Got blog? Yes, I do guest shots. Got book group? We can hook up by phone. Got show? Web, radio and podcast interviews available via phone or Skype. I always answer my email. Ellen's website and 
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with piercing honesty about the bedeviling emotional challenges of parenting a child with autism: the guilt we feel over our seeming inadequacies, our finite patience, the moments we seem to favor the more typical sibling. I love Brittney’s poetry because it is neither pity party nor self-flagellation, but rather hope-infused, forward-thinking “truthiness” that feels like an arm around the shoulder saying, “Yeah, we can do this.”
Along with my co-author Veronica Zysk, we are proud to announce our new “baby” was released in February and went to second printing within a week.
